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SubscriptionsSites I Read
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| Like a Lucas part number.
Don't forget it, maybe i'll bring it back one day. Maybe i won't.
You can now find me here: http://claveles.wordpress.com
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| Here i go again... From anyone else, the wholesale removal of two families of food from their consumption stream might be a diet. For me it's an part of an ecomonic decision to cut down my spending. (I'll say it, "Cheap"). Eat out has been getting too expensive for me... $4.80-$10 for lunch then another $5-20 for dinner. So that's where all that raise money is going! (and some of it is going to the suits at citibank). Of course, i wouldn't be doing it if i weren't noticing that even though i've curbed my drinking a lot, i've gained a little pudge and my pants don't fit quite as well as they did 3 months ago.
So, what have i been eating that i don't particurally love?
1. French fries. I enjoy a serving of 3. and if they are in front of me i'll just eat them. (read: beale street where they come with burgers).
2. Soda. Especially my good friend Dr. Pepper. It's cheap, cheaper than anything else you can get when going out to eat. And not good for you either. 120 Calories for a can. at 2 cans a day, you end up paying for that corn syrup somehow. I'd rather be eating chocolate.
3. Commerical candy. Oh magical twix and kit kat with your yummy cookies and cheap nasty chocolate... and everything else laying around the office that i like but don't love. back to the good stuff, bought at grocery stores and eaten 2 squares per day. cheaper, and less consumption. and tastes better.
4.Way to much cheap chinese food. This should be a once a week to once every 10 days item, not something consumed 3 to 5 times a week. The less of it I eat the better it tastes anyway.
5.Egg quiches at Specialtys (note the cinnamon rolls and cookies are not on this list, though i really do need to cut back)
Lets see how this works!
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| I wake up in the middle of the night completely calm and a little confused, unsure of the day of the week. As i stand up to head into the bathroom i realize it's very early on tuesday morning, and not only did i miss another deadline friday, will miss all of them for this week, i'm gonna have to leave early today if my car is ready. if i even own a car anymore. and i can't work tonight because i am playing goalie. And yesterday, in a moment of letting down my guard wanting to get out of yet another meeting designed to waste time in the afternoon when i do my best writing i got suckered into somethign which makes everything i've done so far wrong. This is not a woman who wants to me succeed. She's doing well. I'm worn down. I'd have left months ago if she hadn't announced her resignation months in advance. I'm cracking here. This is exactly why i wouldn't have stayed, and it's worse now. She has nothing to lose. I still work for her. But i will soon work for the organization, so being normed to her isn't high on my priority list. i am just trying to get out with as few bad habits as possible.
I find a fellow insomniac on line when i check my Gmail. A friendly voice suffering in his own way at 4am. I'm gonna be wrecked by the time i take the ice at 8:15 tonight for my last goalie game. The room feels like it's fallen into the pacific... the waves of panic make my stomach knot up in a stress i haven't felt for 2 years and could have lived a long happy life without feeling again. My survival instinct is failing me. I'm going to go dig my self a hole, and look for allies. I can hear a little whisper reminding me of the day where i realized i'd been sold out and that i have no allies at the top. But then i remember that i'm staying, so there must be some leverage in that. I should work, maybe that will ease the panic. unfortunately, going back to bed is out of the question. Only 25 days remain.
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| I miss Trader Joes.
It has not gone anywhere, as far as i know it is still nestled next to the Bed Bath and Beyond and Pier 1 on Brannan Street. It is that i have not gone there since the walk is a little too long and a little too much under the 101 for my liking with bags full of groceries. My shopping expeditions, (even without a 2 month hiatus) have a tendency to get long, as a i contemplate the peaches and heirloom tomatoes in an almost Ginsbergian sense, wondering where my food came from. I did spend 45 minutes in the corner store earlier this week choosing my veggies for pasta very very carefully.
I keep thinking that i'll go when i get my car back, since i should have my car back Tuesday or Wednesday or this week. And those days come and go, and still Subbie has not been repaired enough to come home. After week two i started assembling a mental list of things i want to do once i get my car back. And still no car.
My friends have been AMAZING and so understanding and helpful. But at this point, its been so long (6 weeks) that i feel like a mooch and leech. And i miss my independance. I miss the ability to just get in the car and go. Go to Trader Joes, to hockey, to my friends houses, to Foster City, to get my skates sharpened, to see sunset, to go where ever i want to go whenever i want to go. To go directly to hockey and not have to leave 2.5 hours before a game because i need to take the muni to ocean beach to catch a ride to get to the game half an hour earlier then i need to be there. I can't thank everyone enough for everything they've done... pick me up, take me to get my skates sharpened, come to my game and drive me home for example.... absolutely amazing. And i feel so bad because it's dragged out so long.
It wasn't until this week that i noticed that it had really impacted my eating habits. I haven't be grocery shopping. I haven't been cooking for myself. no wonder i am gaining weight and feeling cash poor. all those mediocre lunches and dinners out are catching up with me. And i miss cooking. In a sense i am suprized how many lifestyle things this has impacted with me. When it first happened i was thinking that maybe i wouldn't miss having a car, and i could be green and get rid of it. I couldn't have been more wrong.
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| the team i played goalie for got trampled 7-1 on sunday. I was laying down on the job.(I also faced 37 shots, almost twice as many as a normal game. my team took a mere 12 shots.)
Thanks to April for the photos!
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